P.O.V. Magazine, December 1997 (Q&A)

Q: How Do I cure a Hangover?

A: IN ANCIENT GREECE, IT WAS BELIEVED that if a heavy drinker donned a ring of parsley on his head, he could avoid a hangover the next day. It's probably no coincidence that the lowly herb soon went from hangover "cure" to innocuous sideline garnish, where it has remained for the last five thousand years.

Truth is, it's difficult to ward off the evils of The Morning After. And while you'll most likely feel less and less post partying pain as the ugly college years recede from your memory, there are still those late, kamikaze nights when you just know you're going to wake up feeling like something angry assaulted your brain-and then died in your mouth. Here's how to help avoid that not-so-fresh feeling.

WHY, GOD, WHY? As in, why do I exist? Why did I make a commitment to watch musical theater in six hours? And more importantly, exactly, am I hung over? Modern science has your answer. According to the Encyclopedia of Medicine, the chief cause of hangovers are "congeners," by-products of alcohol fermentation found in high concentrations in such typically evil culprits as red wine, bourbon and brandy. Dr. James M. Schaefer, a professor at Union College who has spent time studying hangovers and ways to reduce or prevent them, adds, "Over consumption of alcohol also produces an overabundance of acetaldehyde, which acts as a potent toxin-poisoning the system.

TAKE TWO AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING. Hangover cures are like hurling stories-everyone's got one. Remedies of lore range from sex and creative food concoction (burnt toast with honey, extra-greasy cheeseburgers, egg rolls and milk) to more beer, masturbation, bong hits and Bloody Marys. And while the "wake and drink" a.k.a. "hair o'the dog") remedies work to a degree-primarily because they raise your blood-alcohol level-if you're consistently curing your hangovers by drinking more, you're dangerously close to setting foot in Ed McMahon territory.

Instead, your best bet is to down a couple glasses of water before hitting the sack and take some anti-inflammatories. The water rehydrates, the aspirin relieve the nagging inflammation of your brain, and, with luck, you wake up feeling like the Zest shower guy.

ACTIVATE THAT CARBON. We're sure you don't go out every night and declare, "look out, I'm going to get plastered." But if, say, you're going out for a business dinner that you know will entail networking/bonding/drinking like a fish, you may want to consider popping an activated carbon pill. If taken before, during and after drinking, activated carbon absorbs the toxins that cause hangovers. Best of all, it's available over-the counter. Our favorite, "Sob'r-K, can be ordered on www.mohavehealth.com

Or, then again, you could always gasp!--drink slower; a normal, healthy liver can break down about a drink an hour. Which is better than waking up a vowing, as we all do "to never drink again." It's a nice thought, at least.

Cheryl Della Pietra